I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize