Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
