Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
