The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
