Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
