the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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