Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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