She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I look better un-naked...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pants are for mortals
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