I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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