She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
