got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
