I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
