Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize