she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
