My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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