Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
