I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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