Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
