And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't deserve a penis
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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