so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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