I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize