Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
