One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize