I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
