Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
