Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
