he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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