Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
