hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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