Soap is not a condiment
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize