is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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