His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
