He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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