please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
