i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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