Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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