After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize