He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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