He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
