Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
