i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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