My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
