Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
