Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
