You're completely useless in the revolution.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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