He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
