the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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