apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
