I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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