Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
