WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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