He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
