I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
