i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
