I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
