mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
