We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
