Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
