And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
