Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
