he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
