Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
