You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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