i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
