Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
