Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
