38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A bitchslap is in order.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
