her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
