You smell like a Billy Joel song
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
