My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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