I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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