You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
