Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
