I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
