i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
