u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize