toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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