She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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