I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
