please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
