I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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