I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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