If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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