It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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