i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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