just tell him i said nine months
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
