Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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