this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
