And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
