He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
