Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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