all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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