there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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