My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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