I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
