I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
