Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
