i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize