So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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