Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
