if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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